Time for the Moment of Truth

My black fingernails are gliding across my keyboard, as I'm typing this entry. Woa...black fingernails? No, I am not turning into one of those Hawthorne Heights-loving emo kids. Sure, it has become a rather popular choice among girls these days, but I selected this color for another reason--as corny as this may sound, I wanted it to elucidate my internal state of being. I want to expose the darkness and uncertainty dwelling inside me to the ambient light. I want it to symbolize my willingness to move forward with life, instead of my dwelling on the past and my insecurities. Life has too much to offer, and it is my responsibility to try hard to grasp them.

Graduating with a B.S. for most undergrad majors is a ticket to limited destinations nowadays; with these trying economic times coupled by an extremely competitive pool of job-seekers, youths like me are in need of additional training to sharpen and tone our knowledge, skills, creativity, interests, and marketability for the future. Hence, this is one of my main reasons for pursuing graduate school this year, rather than next. I can still recall how repelled I was by the idea of directly going into grad school this summer, but during these past few months, I have been exposed to multiple research and learning situations that I just can't see myself not being in grad school this time next year. I cannot afford to delay my career or interests by a year, as there is still so much for me to decipher and so many problems in the world to solve. It is simply addictive. As much as studying abroad for a year in China or working at a analytical laboratory sound like appealing options after graduation, they are simply excuses to delay reality. I am not in need of money to attend graduate school, as I have already secured at least five additional years of it. Fellowships wouldn't hurt either, so I'm applying for those as well. Procuring letters of rec are in progress as well; I have now secured 3 professors (my PI, other research professor, and academic professor) and am awaiting my APHC advisor to respond to my e-mail...I'm crossing my fingers that he will accept. After all, he has written letters for me already before, but we'll see. Three letters is really all I need per grad school, but having a fourth never hurts either.

Timing is everything, folks. It really is.In less than twelve hours, I will be taking my chemistry GRE exam on campus. I can honestly say that I have not utilized my time wisely to review for this exam, but all I can do now is do my best. That's all I can ask for and hope that I score decently well so that I don't destroy my chances of getting into graduate schools. Not that the subject test will determine my fate, but I still want to give it my all. I don't want to look back and ask myself why I didn't push myself harder. No. There are no excuses.

Why can't everyday be like Halloween?

What can I say? Hallow's Eve 09 was probably the most fun one I've had in a while. The last three years in college did not treat me too well, as I always stayed cooped up in my dorm to study for upcoming midterms, but this year, I decided to kick it up a notch...and actually embark on a Halloween escapade with friends!

Perhaps the most exciting part of all this was transforming our identities for the night. After our intense YouTubing session, Alina decided to be Britney Spears' Asian clone, while I revealed my true identity by transforming into Hong Kong Secret Agent M. Since Alina was going out as a major celebrity, it only made sense for me to be her body guard. ;] Thanks to our resourcefulness, the costumes surprisingly turned out better than expected, and throughout the night, we managed to stay in character around Westwood. When we rendezvoused with the other PEGGYs at David's Halloween Bash, I thought that Peggy and Nancy's costumes were not bad either! Nancy's fluffy sheep ears were well done and suitably adorable, while Peggy's flasher costume was pretty rad. I seriously thought she wanted to imitate the late MJ for the night, but she insisted that a flasher was more befitting of her character. ;P As you can tell, it was indeed a happy Halloween. :]

(L-R): Asian Britney Spears, The Flasher, The Sheep, & Agent M attempting a Charlie's Angel pose.

Role playing as Hong Kong Secret Agent M and Spears' Asian clone.

But like always, all fun things come to an end, which means more Chemistry Subject GRE studying. I will face this second blasted child of ETS next Saturday morning! This is perhaps one of the few exams for which I seriously do not feel prepared to take, but all I can hope for is the best. Theoretically, I should know the material, since I have studied it for the last three years of my life for Pete's sake! Hopefully, I'll come out there half way alive next Saturday. Just when I thought I was done with the general GRE, another one shows up on my plate. Ah well....what can you do?

Afterwards, it's more application preparation time, research, getting my letters of recommendation together, and somehow trying to survive my classes this quarter. The stress in life never ends...and that's why I wish every day was like Halloween. Realistically, I know this can't happen, but it never hurts to have fun once in a while. :]

Illinois Trip, Diwali, and Why Jim from the Office is just NOT funny...

If you know me, you'd know that I'm not the type to fly out to places randomly. Unless you're like my friend, Peggy, who can amazingly and spontaneously drop everything and fly back to Taiwan to celebrate Lunar New Year...and during midterms week! Of course, she's an exception. If I tried that, I'd totally suffer a miserable death. Rather, I'd usually stick in my hermit shell around this time of the quarter, because the bulk of the projects/midterms are usually occurring. This quarter, it's a bit different. Not only am I getting ready to apply for graduate schools, but I'm also making huge strides to get to the next destination....literally. On Thursday night, I'll be flying out to to visit the University of Illinois Urbana Champaign (UIUC), so I'm pretty stoked! Why you ask? Well...by Thursday, I'll have most of my exams and reports finished, and I happen to have no scheduled classes on Fridays this quarter. And...besides, who would miss out on an all expenses paid trip?

This will be quite a long ride, as I have to transfer to two airports--one in Chicago and then the next one to Urbana. Luckily, I'll have Shuk, my travel buddy, to keep me company--representin' UCLA! We'll basically be visiting the grad school's chemistry/engineering professors, grad students, and facilities to get a first hand feel of their campus through their MERGE program, which is a graduate student recruitment program....and then in the end decide whether to apply there. I think no matter which school I decide on (Northwestern, UCSB, University of Washington, USC, UCI, UCSD), this huge decision  will require a lot of rumination. If I turn out not to like Illinois that much, then I'll at least have enjoyed a free 3-day vacation to the Midwest...! After all, these completely paid-for programs aren't exactly easy to come by nowadays. Before that though, I desperately have to get through this week's worth of midterms, labs, and lab reports before I can completely unwind on Thursday night.

On another note, happy Diwali! Did you know that the White House celebrated Diwali as well? Might I mention that this is their first attempt at promoting cultural awareness and diversity on the federal level? My friend who works at CNN notified my friends and me about this. Being curious about Diwali, I asked Shuk about it...and before I knew it, I partook in my first Indian New Year celebration with Alina, Shuk, and Kikki by making candles out of flour and cotton wicks, while watching The Office's episode on Diwali. [I have to say that I'm STILL not that into The Office no matter how much Alina brags about how funny it is. Me and dry humor just don't coalesce.] We managed to successfully decorate the flour candle holders and light them on our balcony at the Pink Palace. We definitely showed pedestrians on Kelton Ave. our Indian cultural pride tonight.

It's happy experiences like these that will keep me driven this year. As it is my last and final one at UCLA, I'll give it my all to make the best of it; when I'm old and wrinkly, I want to reflect back to these years, smile to myself, and say "That was the best four years of my life..."

*END*

Ponderances on UCLA Stabbing Incident

UCLA Woman Stabbed. UCLA Stabbing at Young Hall.

I'm sure most of us at UCLA have heard about the the stabbing of a fourth year undergrad in the Young Hall chemistry lab today at 12:21 pm. It's headline news, apparently. On Twitter. On Facebook statuses. It's amazing how fast news travels these days. In fact, one of my friends in New York heard about the news half an hour after the incident happened. I got eight voicemails within the next four hours after the event happened from friends and family, asking of my well-being. Anyway, the details of the event can be found in almost all major news sources (i.e. LA Times, Daily Bruin, NY Times), so I'm not going to squander more space to write about it here. Rather, I'll disclose some thoughts I had about today's event.

Today started out like any other day. I attended lectures, meetings, and lab with my friends and classmates. I was going about my own business in the materials chemistry  lab on the first floor of Young Hall until suddenly one of my lab partners reported that someone had been stabbed a few floors above us.

Stabbing? Again?!!? I immediately thought to myself.

There was a stabbing around the fraternity houses just last month. To have a violent incident happen within such a short span of time completely shocked me. Being the curious beings we are, my lab partners and I immediately searched through the Internet for recent updates. Daily Bruin's Twitter reported that everyone should avoid Young Hall, though the suspect (also a fourth year undergrad) had been taken into custody.

Great. I thought to myself. We're still here....but at least we're safe for now.

I couldn't help but start ruminating about the implications of this incident. For one, I realized how one incident committed at UCLA could have such dramatic impacts. Let's say that this stabbing occurred at a small liberal arts college out in the Mid-West--would the media have overhyped it in this case? Probably not. I think the fact that the crime happened here at UCLA made the difference between headline news and some obscure report. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that liberal arts colleges are not important. In fact, I respect them very much so, but for this to happen at a top university in the country most likely caused the media frenzy. I couldn't believe that the LA Times and NY Times had already reported on this so soon.

Secondly, this incident reminded me of the value of life and friendships. In college, it's very easy to become immersed in schoolwork and stress about academics and work, but these unfortunate events pull me back to the basics. Most of us watch crime scene investigations on TV, but for the sixth floor of my beloved Young Hall to become one was just incredible to me at first. It really put things into perspective. I mean, one of my friends and/or roommates could have well been taking Chem 30CL this quarter and had been the victim. In fact, anyone of us on campus could have been severely injured and jeopardized. Really. I know I'm making way too many assumptions here, but this event made me reflect on this a tadbit more.

Thirdly, I couldn't help but think about the morbid series of events that have occurred in this small section of UCLA's South Campus, namely Molecular Sciences, Young Hall, and Boyer Hall. Within the last two years, two people have passed away, albeit due to different reasons, and now...this happens too. May there is bad karma in this part of UCLA. It might well just be coincidence. Despite all this, UCLA is still a rather safe campus. and does its part in enforcing security measures. I'm most likely overthinking and making overgeneralizations, but it was interesting to see that these events happened around the same places of campus. I hope it's not cursed. I really don't.

But what I do really hope and pray for is for the girl to pull through this; though her identity has not been released, there is a high probability that I or anyone of my friends in the Chem/Biochem department know of her or the suspect. I pray for her speedy recovery and hope nothing like this happens again in the near future.

A Case of Food Coma

Just now, as I was annotating my lecture notes from my materials characterization lecture, I couldn't help but chuckle a bit. If you've ever borrowed my notes, you'd notice that my handwriting is usually neat. At one point in my notebook, I could hardly decipher the scribbles that I had apparently written--it was a sure sign that I was nodding off in class. The culprit to blame? Eating a large lunch beforehand! -_- You'd think I'd know better, but I guess fettucini alfredo always wins me over. Meh, I should just stick with packing a sack lunch and eating during the ten-minute break.

Moral of the story: Never overeat before a class.